Holidays Past and Present
I hope each of you experienced a loving and warm holiday season. Maybe your holidays passed quickly, with travel and lots of activities. Or maybe your holidays were quieter and more introspective. Whatever the pace and tone of the past month, I imagine most of you reflected about past holiday seasons. This time of year, holiday traditions, both past and present, have a way of coloring our view of what is good and right in our world.
Take a moment to think about a specific moment during this holiday season? It can be a happy moment, or it can be a challenging moment. What were your emotions? Where did those emotions arise from? Can you identify the source?
Hopefully the emotions and experiences you noted rose from within you. That’s the only source of emotion that is valid, your own emotion that rises from deep inside you. If the moment you recall felt like someone did something to make you happy/sad/frustrated, then you may want dig deeper into that situation. Were you trying to control something? Perhaps you wanted to recreate a memory or tradition from the past. Did you allow another person to “make” you feel a certain way?
Focus on the present, not the presents.
The holiday season can launch us into setting unrealistic expectations about giving and receiving the perfect present. Exchanging gifts can be a meaningful way to show love and affection, but commercialization of the tradition often distracts from the true gift of presence, of being in the moment and experiencing what is happening now.
When we live in the past, we often cling to idealized versions of reality. Or we focus on our mistakes and regrets. Living in the past limits our ability to create new traditions, and it often robs us of joy today.
When we live in the future, we tend to ignore the moments of today, always thinking we will be better, happier, if we can only improve, or acquire something. We believe that if we can only accomplish X, we will find happiness. The problem is that the future is always tomorrow and attaining our goals rarely translates to lasting happiness.
The present is the only time you are guaranteed, and it is the only thing you can change. Living in the present requires our attention here and now. And the interesting thing is, that focusing on the present can never become habitual, because it requires us to always be awake. If we decide to be present, we can experience life more fully and become less anxious and have fewer regrets. It allows us to make even more vibrant memories, both for ourselves and for others.
When we practice presence, it captures all the emotions and memories of today. We wake up to new insights, joys, and challenges every day.
Make only one resolution this year.
Making resolutions and setting goals can sometimes get us to the starting block, but for most people resolutions aren’t life changing. Resolutions are typically a way of living in the future where there are only tomorrows, and they are often about improving ourselves, so we’ll finally be “happy.” This year, instead of chasing happiness, consider being present to yourself every day. Ask yourself what you want in the moment. You may find that the extra helping of pie or buying the newest electronic device is no longer necessary.
A Certified Spiritual Director can provide practices and tools to allow you to let go of the past, wake up, and be present to yourself and others.